A Man of Integrity

"...but as for me and my house,
we will serve the LORD."
Joshua 24:15

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Family Duty   (continued)
A Father's Duty to His Family in General
by John Bunyan

2. Therefore though you should provide for your family; yet let all your labor be mixed with moderation; 'Let your moderation be known unto all men' (Phil 4:5). Take heed of driving so hard after this world, as to hinder yourself and family from those duties towards God, which you are by grace obliged to; as private prayer, reading the scriptures, and Christian conference. It is a base thing for men so to spend themselves and families after this world, as that they disengage their heart to God's worship.

Christians, 'The time is short: it remaineth that both they that have wives be as though they had none; and they that weep, as though they wept not; and they that rejoice, as though they rejoiced not; and they that use this world, as not abusing it; for the fashion of this world passeth away' (1 Cor 7:29-31). Many Christians live and do in this world, as if religion were but a by-business, and this world the one thing necessary; when indeed all the things of this world are but things by the by; and religion only the one thing needful (Luke 10:40-42).

3. If you would be such a master of a family as is fitting for you, you must see that there is that Christian harmony among those under you, as is fitting for a house where one rules that fears God.

(1.) You must see that your children and servants are under subjection to the word of God; for though it is of God only to rule the heart, yet he expects that you should rule their outward man; which if you do not, he may in a short time cut off all your stock, [even every male] (1 Sam 3:11-14). See therefore that you keep them temperate in all things, in apparel, in language, that they be not gluttons, nor drunkards; not suffering either your children vainly to domineer over your servants, nor they again to carry themselves foolishly towards each other.

(2.) Learn to distinguish between that injury that in your family is done to you, and that which is done to God; and though you should be very zealous for the Lord, and to bear nothing that is open transgression to him; yet here will be your wisdom, to pass by personal injuries, and to bury them in oblivion: 'Love covereth a multitude of sins.' Be not then like those that will rage and stare like madmen, when they are injured; and yet either laugh, or at least not soberly rebuke, and warn, when God is dishonored.

'Rule thy own house well, having thy children-with others in thy family-in subjection, with all gravity' (1 Tim 3:4). Solomon was so excellent sometimes this way, that he made the eyes of his beholders to dazzle (2 Chron 9:3, 4). But to break off from this general, and to come to particulars.

Do you have a wife? You must consider how you should behave yourself in that relation: and to do this right, you must consider the condition of your wife, whether she is one that indeed believes or not. First, If she believes, then,
1. You are engaged to bless God for her: 'For her price is far above rubies, and she is the gift of God unto thee, and is for thy adorning and glory' (Prov 12:4; 31:10; 1 Cor 11:7). 'Favor is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised' (Prov 31:30).

2. You should love her, under a double consideration: (1.) As she is your flesh and your bone: 'For no man ever yet hated his own flesh' (Eph 5:29). (2.) As she is together with you an heir of the grace of life (1 Peter 3:7). This, I say, should engage you to love her with Christian love; to love her, as believing you both are dearly beloved of God and the Lord Jesus Christ, and as those that must be together with him in eternal happiness.

3. You should carry yourself to and before her, as does Christ to and before his church; as says the apostle: So should men love their wives, 'even as Christ loved the church, and gave himself for it' (Eph 5:25). When husbands behave themselves like husbands indeed, then will they be not only husbands, but such an ordinance of God to the wife, as will preach to her the carriage of Christ to his spouse. There is a sweet scent wrapped up in the relations of husbands and wives, that believe (Eph 4:32); the wife, I say, signifying the church, and the husband the head and savior thereof, 'For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church' (Eph 5:23) and he is the Savior of the body.

This is one of God's chief ends in instituting marriage, that Christ and his church, under a figure, might be wherever there is a couple that believe through grace. Therefore that husband that carries himself indiscreetly towards his wife, he does not only behave himself contrary to the rule, but also makes his wife lose the benefit of such an ordinance, and crosses the mystery of his relation.

Therefore, I say, 'So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife, loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:' (Eph 5:8, 29). Christ laid out his life for his church, covers her infirmities, communicates to her his wisdom, protects her, and helps her in her employments in this world; and so should men do for their wives. Solomon and Pharaoh's daughter had the art of thus doing, as you may see in the book of The Song of Solomon. Therefore bear with their weaknesses, help their infirmities, and honor them as the weaker vessels, and as being of a frailer constitution (1 Peter 3:7).

In a word, be such a husband to your believing wife, that she may say, God has not only given me a husband, but such a husband as preaches to me everyday the behavior of Christ to his church.

Second, If your wife be unbelieving or carnal, then you have also a duty lying before you, which you are engaged to perform under a double engagement: 1. For that she lies liable every moment to eternal damnation. 2. That she is your wife that is in this evil case. Oh! how little sense of the worth of souls is there in the heart of some husbands; as is manifest by their unchristian behavior toward and before their wives!

Now, to qualify you for a behavior suitable,

1. Labor seriously after a sense of her miserable state, that your heart may yearn towards her soul.
2. Beware that she take no occasion from any unseemly behavior of yours, to proceed in evil. And here you have need to double your diligence, for she lies in your bosom, and therefore is capable of espying the least miscarriage in you.
3. If she behaves herself unseemly and unruly, as she is subject to do, being Christless and graceless, then labor to overcome her evil with your goodness, her adversity with your patience and meekness. It is a shame for you, who have another principle, to do as she.
4. Take fit opportunities to convince her. Observe her disposition, and when she is most likely to bear, then speak to her very heart.
5. When you speak, speak to purpose. It is not necessary for many words, provided they be pertinent. Job in a few words answers his wife, and takes her off from her foolish talking: 'Thou speakest,' saith he, 'as one of the foolish women. What? shall we receive good at the hand of God, and shall we not receive evil?' (Job 2:10).
6. Let all be done without bitterness, or the least appearance of anger: 'In meekness instructing those that oppose themselves, if-peradventure they may recover themselves out of the snare of the devil, who are taken captive by him at his will' (2 Tim 2:25, 26). 'And how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save thy wife' (1 Cor 7:16).

Continued